you beckoned to me
i went over n sat besides u.
i felt your body heat, felt your arm behind me.
it was a great feeling.

you noticed my habits
the little things in my life
things that i didnt even know
and i thought to myself
how great it would be if you were mine

you never fail to say yes
to every whims of mine
even when you were tired
drove me to eat
drove me out to play and watch movie
and you said
i really enjoyed myself

you took me out
protected me
when guys tried to talk to me.
i felt this is the sweetest thing someone has done for me

you gave me your pillow
which strangely felt warmer than mine.
that night i slept with a smile on my face.

you pour orange juice into my glass of vodka
when you thought i wasnt looking.
you know when im angry or sad
even when i said nothing.
you let me lie on your shoulder
when i felt tired.

i like the way you look when you drive
i like the way you throw your pillow on my face in the morning and ask me to bathe
i like the way i waited for you to come home from work
i like the way you love your family.

and this is my forbidden love.
because you are family
and im not supposed to feel this way towards you
i want to say i feel for you more than i feel for a brother
or a cousin,
how i wish we are unrelated.
and so it will stay
a forbidden love.

its time to wake up.

as we stood near the entrance of the wedding party that we are invited to, i suddenly felt very conscious of myself, regreting having a little or any supper at all the night before. As we parted to meet our own separate groups of friends, i stood there wondering what they were talking about.

raymond: hey, how have you been my bro? is that your gf?
andrew: yaa.. you've changed alot since we last met you.. i think ur taste has dropped dramatically.. whyy.. ur gf is soo f** n ugly.. go get a new one man.

as i was watchin the drama, i realised tat f** ppl don look good in anything.. are made fun of becos of their size.. but de thing tat hit me most.. was tat they are a disgrace to their partners.. even if their partners don feel soo. its a fact they are. so wads de diff between her n me? she's living in a fairytale.

jus stonin at home aft canceling tuition cos of fallen tree causing slooow traffic -.-
goin out to meet my love n eat frolicks hehe~ a consolation to my soul..
jussss. alot of things happened aft sot. like wad ww says.. jus a wink n its friday agn..
time passes soo fast.. or mayb its jus becos i've been tryin to work myself silly for de past few days..
dunno wad im goin to do if im free. its jus soo weird being free.
find tis song super nicee..
Look into my eyes - you will see
What you mean to me
Search your heart - search your soul
And when you find me there you'll search no more

Don't tell me it's not worth tryin' for
You can't tell me it's not worth dyin' for
You know it's true
Everything I do - I do it for you

Look into your heart - you will find
There's nothin' there to hide
Take me as I am - take my life
I would give it all - I would sacrifice

Don't tell me it's not worth fightin' for
I can't help it - there's nothin' I want more
Ya know it's true
Everything I do - I do it for you

There's no love - like your love
And no other - could give more love
There's nowhere - unless you're there
All the time - all the way

Oh - you can't tell me it's not worth tryin' for
I can't help it - there's nothin' I want more
I would fight for you - I'd lie for you
Walk the wire for you - ya I'd die for you

Ya know it's true
Everything I do - I do it for you

jusssss. nicee lorr.
six thirty come quickkkk.

was watchin tis show on tv mobile on the way back.. it was featuring miners in indonesia.. how they mine for poisonous sulphur.. carry these sulphur that can weigh up to 50kg.. walked 6-8 0? km jus to earn $2 a day.. ohh mann.. jus pei fu these ppl.. den they went on to show ppl livin on mt bromo.. said those ppl leadin horse tour had to walk up down de mountain dono how many times a day.. still they are so happy.. it really made me tink alot..

alot of ppl used to tell me.. be thankful ur born here.. rather than those dirty places.. or those ulu malu places where the ppl have nv seen a tv or used a phone.. where ppl have to farm.. work all day long..

i always tell them.. if i have a choice.. i tink that kind of life is more suitable for me.. i mean.. its not tat grass always looks greener on de other side.. but really.. all of us cope with different kind of stress.. different kind of problems.. but at de end of the day.. its how we face it tat matters.. n tats wad makes those ppl in a way better than us cityppl.. that no matter wad come may.. they are always happy..

we can get scolded by our boss.. nagged at by our parents for a F in chinese exam.. they can worry if there's gonna be a flood/drought.. bend their bodies from dawn to dusk everyday.. bruise their shoulders from all de weights.. at de end of the day.. they go back to a smiling family.. or even working side by side wid ur loved ones.. compared to us.. some kids jus go home.. slam de door in their nagging parents face.. n rather tok to a screen..

who's having a better life? no one.. the cry that life's unfair is only heard from those who's limited by their own sufferings. have u heard those who's enjoyin life complainin that life's unfair? have a thankful heart.. that u still have a family.. if not you still have a home.. if not.. at least you have a life to be thankful for rite?

sooo. for those who's complainin that life's unfair jus becos their bonuses is not as big as it should be..

for the sake of my beloved ms soh yiling, im goin to come back here n blog as frequently as possible ok?
i kinda forgot how to put in photos. lol. de icons above disappear alr lehh.
but anw, yaa tink we're goin to see less of each other.. n despite being so in love, we dont tok on de phone or sms.
LOL.

IM SO EXCITED FOR ASIA CONFERENCE 2010!! i really hope to be more involved in tis.. like besides children church, hope i can do reporting for city newsss. pls let me get in.........

jus gradded today(: kinda sadd. its weird not praising n worshippin like per normal service every single day..
gonna miss de presence, de encounterss, de lessons.. de fallin asleep in lessons.. being poked awake when i fell asleep..

but really wanna thank Him for everything.. how clearly i can see my life change during the whole of sot, Him moving in my life, touchin me in every single surprising way possible..

indeed it is a place of temptation, trials, transition, and transformation.. meet a grp of really nicee ppl.... had lots of fun n camming wid them..

things happened so i can see.. tat all i really need, is to focus on You. I'm still not ready.. and there is alot for me to learn, its really hard, but im going to learn how to crucify my flesh.. lay everything down at Your feet.. my dreams my desires my cares my hurts.. take all of me in exchange for all of You.

it's getting harder and harder to hold back her tears

haha, nowadays.. its getting so easy to make me cry.. n it seems that de onli way for my to stay dry de next day was to make sure i empty de bucket of tears i hold inside de night bef. anw, thanks for tat email my woman.. it was enlightenin i guess...

When there is nothing left but God, that is when you find out that God is all you need.

n its really cold nowwwwwww.... brgghhh~

anw, tat day i was on tis train.. starin at tis little boy becos he was starin at me. haha~ i won. muahas~ cos he looked down.. i guess i looked really fierce. who ask him stare. anw.. when i was busy starin tis woman actu pointed to my wallet n says: nice bag. den i was like huh? so which one u tokin bout? my wallet or bag? lol~ anw was too shocked.

went to work tat day. soooo sian dat i wasnt doin vip. but. de auntie was super zai. we actu finished at round de same time as de vip... but obviously i had to do so much work i almost died. haha~ went for supper at 85 aft tat. im growin fatter each day manx. tis is irritatin manx... should stop suppering.

den went to my grans hse to camp de next two days.. went to suntec wid her n reanne ytd.. i was super fed up cos grans was like: are we dere yet? why are we walkin here? why we walking so far? waaaaaaa.. i almost screamed at her. LOL~ pampered cannn. anw, bought 25bucks worth of ice cream from couz.


tooo tired to tink.

super tired. my main pt in comin here to blog now, n not sleeping: is to tell everyone readin me blog, tat im terribly depressed tat i couldnt get a pair of heels at charles n keith. n hoping tat someone aft readin my blog, will be soooooo nice to buy me it. haha~ well tis is wad u get when u hav a angel in serious lack of sleep. going crazyyy soon! i wannnn de shoessssss... man, can someone hav some pity on me haha~ i promise i'll wear it every single day! n angel don normally wear heels oneeeee!!! actu, today i jus realise my shoes have been irritatin my mum, cos they took up de whole shoe rack! leaving. no space to put their shoes.. so i mentally counted, i tink i have round 15 pairs of shoes?? lol~ mayb if i sell them i'll get enof monee to buy my heels.. tis is really depressing. cant stop tinking bout u. jus so perfect in every single way possible.. aft being wid u for one min i cant help but tink we're made for each other. heels oh heels, i love you. LOL~ i tink i need to sleep now.